Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Your cock deserves a montage
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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