I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
