I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
