i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
