Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
