What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
