So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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