The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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