eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
