I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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