Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
bring money and cleavage
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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