Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
