You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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