plz talk dirty to me
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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