really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
