apparently the secret to your success is patron
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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