I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
