In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Someone signed my nipple.
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