Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
