the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
