One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
