i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
