I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
