what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
