Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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