you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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