i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
