Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
