Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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