just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
