I heard we made out
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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