why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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