you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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