You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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