If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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