clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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