It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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