Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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