Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
