one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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