my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
