I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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