You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Randomize
