I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
