i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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