I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
