dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
