Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
look no pants
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
