Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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