At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
