What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
