No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
